PMS 101 (For My Husband)

pms 101Dear Husband,

When I look at you and tell you I’m feeling nauseous and like I might throw up, I appreciate your look of concern, but please do not follow it up with, “uh oh, are you pms-ing??”.

Just. No.

The look of concern is plenty.

Thanks.

And for future reference, the following are side effects I might experience due to PMS:

  • Irritation caused by noises made by children
  • Cramps
  • Irritation caused by nobody bringing me dinner
  • A slow aching in my uterus
  • Irritation caused by look at your face
  • Low tolerance
  • Irritation caused by irritation

Things that I do not experience as a side effect of PMS:

  • Nausea
  • Vomiting

May you take everything you have learned in PMS 101 today and choose your responses wisely in the future. Asking me if I’m PMS-ing when I’m clearly coming down with a severe form of Bird Flu was a rookie mistake.

And the answer is yes. I am.

Please bring home dinner.

pms 101

Excited About Nuts

I don’t want my children to be spoiled, sugar crazed, self important fools…and they’re not…but my husband and I often have discussions about how to keep a healthy balance with them.

Sometimes they cry when they’re told no.

Sometimes they pout when they’re bored.

Sometimes candy makes them crazy.

Sometimes (most times) they think only of themselves.

So Pat and I will point out that some changes need to be made in order to keep those hoodlums in check.

For the most part we’re fairly agreeable when it comes to what we’re seeing and what needs to be done to balance it.

But when Pat shared that his hope is to raise children who got excited about a bag of nuts as a souvenir from a trip…I nearly fell out of my chair.

Excited over a bag of nuts?

Sometimes you wonder if your husband knows your children at all.

They’ve got my blood coursing through their veins.

Nobody is getting excited about nuts over here.

a bag of nutsNice try buddy.

You Again?

kissed three times

When I was a Junior in High School I made a group of my friends laugh in class when I said something along the lines of, “Can you even imagine what it’s like to be married? Waking up to the same person every morning and just being like…you? again?”

They laughed because everyone knows when you fall in love and get married you probably shouldn’t choose someone you’re disappointed to open your eyes to.

I’ve been married for 12 years today and I’m pleased to say my first thought every morning is usually more along the lines of:

“I don’t want to get up…”

“Why does it have to be a weekday?”

“I hate myself for staying up so late.”

“I’m so glad I don’t have to go to work as early as he does.”

And not ever along the lines of:

“You? Again?”

Still pleased with my choice all these years later. He’s a good friend to me.

I thought about murder a couple times, but…it’s a good life.

a good life

Happy Anniversary dear.

Writer’s Workshop: Sorry Charlie

sorry charlie

4. Tell us about something new you learned last month.

My husband took a bite out of his sandwich, looked at our dog and then said, “Sorry Charlie!” in a really weird voice.

My daughters were all, “Dad got that from our show Good Luck Charlie!”

And I was all, “Actually that phrase has been around forever…I have no idea where it’s from.”

And Pat was all, “Charlie the Tuna right? It was for tunafish commercials. Charlie always wanted the tuna and at the end they were all “sorry Charlie”…sort of like Trix and the rabbit.”

But I don’t really believe anything Pat says because when he doesn’t know answers to things he just makes them up.

So I was all, “A tunafish commercial? You really think this phrase the entire country has been using for years was derived from a commercial?? No, I’m sure it came from England or something…Charlie is an English name probably…and it rhymes with Sorry kind of so people just put it together.”

But Pat wasn’t backing down, “No I’m serious, I think it was tunafish. Either that or a perfume commercial…”

And I was all, “Oh sure a perfume. I can see it now, the girl sprays herself with perfume, spends the entire commercial being irresistible to me and then when one of them gets ALMOST close enough to kiss her she’s all ‘Sorry Charlie!’ and winks at the camera.”

And Pat was all, “Yeah actually! I think that’s exactly how it goes.”

So I Google searched it to prove him exactly wrong on all accounts, but it turns out he was RIGHT:

On both accounts:

I guess I did learn something new last month. I learned that this phrase the entire country has been using for years was derived from a commercial.

I should have believed Pat, on account of him being “the smart one of the group” and all.

Now it’s your turn!

Mama's Losin' It

Choose a prompt, post it on your blog, and come back to add your name to the link list below. Be sure to sign up with the actual post URL and not just your basic blog URL (click on the title of your post for that URL). For good comment karma try to comment on the three blogs above your name!!

The Prompts:

1. Something you brought for show and tell.
2. November 3rd is National Housewife’s Day…how did you celebrate?
3. The meaning of your name…does it suit you?
4. Tell us about something new you learned last month.
5. Share a list of some of your most recent favorite things.
6. What was your favorite song when you were 16 years old…is it still a favorite?

Link up!:

 



All Gussied Up

all gussied up

Since my husband is 11 years older than me and also Hawaiian, he sometimes drops words and phrases that I’ve never heard of.

“Rubber neck!” is something he might say if he told you your package was on the front porch and you turned to look only to see that nothing was there.

In my world we would say, “Made you look!!!”

And there are a ton of Hawaiian style references…rubbish instead of garbage, icebox instead of fridge, slippers instead of sandals, skoo instead of school, row instead roll, perfeck instead of perfect, etc…

And let’s not forget about the whole “bone up” conversation.

So when we were talking whether or not we used to get nervous on our first day of school, the discussion turned to first day of school outfits and how old you are when you start caring about what you look like on the first day.

Pat was all, “I’m sure you got all pussed out for school when you were a teenager.”

And I was all, “Wait, what did you just say?”

And he was all, “Did you get pussed out?”

And I was all, “Oh my God, please just stop with that phrase, what are you even talking about?”

And he was all, “You’ve never heard of pussed out? You know, like getting all dressed up?”

And I was all, “Ummmm no.”

And he was all, “Seriously, look it up and you’ll see that people get pussed out when they want to look nice.”

And I was all, “Are you sure you’re not talking about ‘all gussied up’? Because I could definitely go with a gussied up, but for sure have never in my life have used the term “pussed out” to describe an outfit and I’d really appreciate if you stopped too because I just can’t.”

And he was all laughing, “look it UP Kat!”

I did take the time to look up “pussed out” in the Urban Dictionary and unlike the time he had to sell me on “bone up” as an actual phrase people use, this time I’m afraid he’s incorrect…sort of.

Pussed out DOES exist, but it’s a way of saying someone backed out of something they said they were going to do. Once I read that I was all, “ohhhh okay yes…when you’re 17 and annoyed with your friend because they said they would go sky diving with you and then changed their mind…that might be an acceptable reason to use that phrase.”

When describing an outfit you’re wearing to school however, definitely doesn’t work at all.

Writer’s Workshop: Might Be An Intruder

1.) Something that spooked you.

bikes on lanai

me: I heard the door open downstairs and I wasn’t positive it was you because I thought you were working today.

me: I blinked wide awake and considered their might be an intruder in our house.

me: But then I was all, ‘well I’ve waited too long now so I suppose if we’re going to die then this is it’.

me: I just gave up because I was too tired to get up and check.

me: I was mildly annoyed at how my laziness and lack of speedy reaction time was about to cost us all our lives.

Pat: Yeah I’ve done that before.

me: You have? You hear a noise and then you just wait to be killed?

Pat: No, usually if I hear a noise I’ll just wait and listen really hard and check that my knife is there.

me: You have a knife!?!

Pat: Well I used to, but I think you moved it.

me: I think I would remember moving a knife.

me: So you plan to attack an intruder with a missing knife?

me: We have a missing knife in the house??

staring….

Unison: KAINOA????

Now it’s your turn!

Mama's Losin' It

Choose a prompt, post it on your blog, and come back to add your name to the link list below. Be sure to sign up with the actual post URL and not just your basic blog URL (click on the title of your post for that URL). For good comment karma try to comment on the three blogs above your name!!

The Prompts:
1.) Something that spooked you.
2.) Share a favorite recipe from your childhood that you still make today.
3.) A blog post inspired by the word: ordinary
4.) Begin with “I thought I saw…”
5.) Tell us about a smell that reminds you of home.



Writer’s Workshop: Real Riding Boots

3.) Something new.

I’ve been wearing rain boots to horse lessons for about a year now. I feel like if I buy a “real” pair of riding boots I’m really committing to this as my sport and I’ve been too busy feeling embarrassed about taking lessons in the first place. What kind of grown woman takes lessons in ANYTHING?

So I pulled out a pair of boots I bought when riding boots became fashionable wear and I was all, “Pat do these look like riding boots or do they look like fashion boots that I’m wearing while riding?”

And he was all, “They look like fashion boots you’re wearing while riding.”

Which is too bad, because when I first bought the boots Pat was all, “Whoa! Where’s the rodeo, cow girl?” and then I refused to wear them for fear everyone would think I was a confused equestrian at the mall.

They’ve been sitting in my closet, but now I don’t want to to wear them to horse lessons for fear that the REAL equestrians will be snickering about my knock off leather fashion boots.

Which means they have to go back to the closet.

“Darn it! I’m just going to have to go out and buy real riding boots…”

Realizing his frugal mistake Pat was all, “RIDING BOOTS! They look like real riding boots!! I TAKE IT BACK!”

But I was already deep into my search…these should do…

cowgirl boots

Now it’s your turn!

Mama's Losin' It

Choose a prompt, post it on your blog, and come back to add your name to the link list below. Be sure to sign up with the actual post URL and not just your basic blog URL (click on the title of your post for that URL). For good comment karma try to comment on the three blogs above your name!!

The Prompts:
1.) 9 things you’d rather be doing today.
2.) A blog post inspired by the words: growing pains
3.) Something new.
4.) Kids say the darndest things…
5.) Talk about a time you took a chance.