1.) Who was at your front door?
They tricked me.
I had just had a baby, I answered the phone…they told me I won a free knife set after entering a contest…we totally NEEDED a knife set…I said okay…they said they’d drop it by and then mumbled something quickly and asked if that was fine…I said okay.
What I didn’t realize was I had said ‘okay’ to was listening to a vacuum pitch in return for the free knife set (stainless steel by the way!).
When he arrived at my front door I was privately nursing my new baby in another room and encouraged my husband to listen to the pitch and send the man on his way. Let’s face it I was a mess. I wasn’t wearing makeup, I was dressed in maternity garb and felt HUGE, my hormones were all over the place, I wasn’t sleeping, and being a mom was altogether much harder than I had anticipated.
Not to mention I really felt I had been tricked into letting this man come over in the first place…even though I had agreed to it. I know…remember the hormones?
My husband, being the sweet man that he is, followed my instructions but when the salesman insisted I be present for his vacuum show I had no choice but to remove my nursing daughter from my teat and join them.
My level of irritation at being tricked escalated slightly when I realized that man wanted me in the room because he thought he’d have a better chance at selling his vacuum with me in there.
What happened next was an amazing display of vacuum technology at it’s finest. Did you know this vacuum can suck up rocks?? Did you know this vacuum can kill bacteria? Did you know this vacuum can filter your air? Did you know this vacuum can do your dishes??
Well it can.
The vacuum could in fact do anything and this man was GOING to sell us one.
The problem was we had NO money. Literally. I had finished my job teaching and was not yet running a daycare. We were dipping into our savings account each month to pay the very minimum of our bills and groceries. There was no way we were going to buy a vacuum. As in not even a TINY chance.
“Ma’am! Did you realize how dirty your carpets are???”
I honestly believe the salesman dry heaved when he said this.
“Just LOOK at this filth ma’am!”
He lectured us about our dirty carpets, he begged us to allow him to clean a couch cushion, he insisted our quality of life was at stake and when I continued to tell him we were not going to buy his 5 million dollar vacuum because we couldn’t afford it, he stopped and leveled with me,
“Ma’am…look you’ve got a beautiful home, I see two cars in your driveway, I imagine you have credit cards…I mean give me a break…you can’t afford a vacuum?? Do you realize what this will do for your home and for your new baby?”
“I understand what you’re saying…we just aren’t interested at this time.”
“Ma’am…do you not care about your baby’s health?”
(anger escalation because oh hail no do you bring my baby into this).
“I do care about my baby’s health. We’re just not interested in buying a vacuum right now.”
“Ma’am, if you knew spending money on something that could reduce the risk of asthma and ultimately lead to a healthier life for your baby, wouldn’t you find a way to spend the money on that??”
“We’re not buying a vaccuum.”
“You didn’t answer my question though ma’am…wouldn’t you spend money to ensure the best health for your baby?”
“I would. But we’re not. buying. a vacuum. today!”
And then he was all “okay, well if you don’t mind I’d like to call my boss and just let him know I showed you the vacuum and that you’re not interested” and I was all “FINE!”
And the loud phone call went like this as he paced in our living room: “Hey Jim…yeah I’m just finishing up…no it sounds like they’re not interested…I know…yes I told them about the health benefits and they even have a new baby here…yes brand new…I don’t know I guess they don’t care about her health as much as you would think…”
When he got off the phone he had a new deal his boss was willing to cut us, you know…with the baby’s health in mind and everything.
Have you ever seen the face of a sleep deprived, angry fat woman after she’s been insulted and the love for her baby has been called into question? I can tell you now the only thing preventing me at that moment from murdering that man was the baby in my arms and the fact that I hadn’t yet received my free stainless steel knife set and therefore had nothing sharp to stab him with. If not for those small miracles I would surely be serving a sentence in jail right now.
I can show you exactly in my hallway where I stood during this man’s hour long presentation because I stood there rocking my baby, feeling the heat rise and rise and rise and RISE before I realized, Wait. a. Tic…I’m the freaking ADULT in this house! I have allowed this man to come into my home, insult my carpets, inquire about our finances, and insinuate that I might possibly NOT care about my brand new little baby!!! Why am I letting this happen IN MY HOME!?!
“EXCUSE ME SIR! I have TRIED to be patient with you here. We are NOT interested in a vacuum and never WERE when I agreed to accept a free KNIFE SET. I have told you over and over again that we do not want your vacuum, we are NOT changing our minds and you WILL pack up now before I call the cops!”
And with that I directed him back out the front door of which he came.
And you know what?
Those knives were SHIT.
Now it’s your turn!
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1.) Who was at your front door? (inspired by fam mum slim)
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